Deep Within
by Satans Little Toy
Summary: "The times you left me lying here, and i wanted to get up and scream. I thought you would come back for me, but you havent, and you never will."
1. Silent Suffering

Deep Within  
  
By Nananashi-silence  
  
A/N Hi, I wrote this fic while my boyfriend and me were having a lot of problems. For once this fic is not yaoi even though that is my favorite type of fic. Umm. I don't really have anything else to say. Hugs to Erika for betaing this fic for me, and also for being there for me through all my problems. This fic is dedicated to Adam, not that he will read it.  
  
Warnings: language, drug usage, sexual situations, angst, depression. Blood sucking, (vampire behavior) this is a 1x2 fic and duo is a girl. If you have a problem with that, don't read. Also. Its from Duo's POV at the beginning, but that might change. Also, any of the situations that I put the characters in (namely duo) are situations that I myself have been in, or currently am in. I do not condone the behavior in this fic; I know how bad it has screwed my life up.  
  
Legalities: I do not own gundam wing. If I did I would not be writing fanfics, and I would have a computer that DOESN'T crash every five seconds. (Hits computer with a baseball bat) well, now that the legal issues are out of the way, here's the fic. (Also, again just for the sake of not getting arrested, I do not condone the drug usage or anything else illegal in the fic.)  
  
(.) Thoughts /./ Sounds "." Spoken words -.- Dreams  
  
Chapter 1: Silent Suffering  
  
Duo lay in her room, staring at the sealing. She felt as though she was sinking, and she couldn't swim back up that extra inch, just to get a breath of air. A silent tear fell from her eye, and she ignored it as it trailed down her cheek and landed in her long locks of auburn hair that lay crumpled beneath her in tangled masses from being neglected the proper care for so long. She stirred from her place on the bed for a moment, and turned on her radio, which now blared tunes from an old 20th century band called Metallica. She lay back down on the bed and assumed the position she had previously lying in as if she hadn't even moved. Her sunken features we accented by the candles she had lit amongst her room, and her eyes were like glass, no emotions, no depth. She looked into the mirror beside her bed and stared into her violet eyes, she had grown so grotesque over the past few years, and bottomless depression would do that to you though. She looked away from her face in the mirror was it even her face anymore? Her perfect features had long ago disappeared, replacing themselves with the skeletal ghost of a face before her now. She lifted a frail hand and placed it on her stomach, feeling it rumble slightly, then die, she rubbed her hands up higher till she felt the arch of her ribs, she was literally a skeleton.  
  
She shed another tear and whispered to herself. " Ashiteru.I hope this lets you know how much you hurt me.Heero Yuy."  
  
Duo then closed her eyes and reached for the blade that lay beside her bed. She lay, blade poised above her throat, and as she thought about it.she didn't want to deal with all of the physical pain, she would just have to find a way to numb it. Just as she was about to go to the bathroom to look for a "happy pill" the phone rang.answering it, wondering who would dare call a recluse like herself.she said.  
  
"Hello?" And heard a soft mumbled voice and then Quatre came onto the phone, her voice sounded so sweet and happy, it made duo sick.  
  
" Hi Duo!!! I wanted to know if you wanted to come down and spend the weekend with me and Trowa and Wufei!! Its Trowa and my wedding party, I would really appreciate it if you would come!"  
  
She sounded so cheerful, how could Duo ever break her heart, but one and the same, it would break Quatres heart more to see her like this so Duo said instead.  
  
" Oh Quatre! I'm so sorry! I don't know if I can make it. I/"  
  
Quatre cut her off, and with a sniffle and a sob. " I-I understand.if you can't come, but.I just really wanted to see you there, in that beautiful dress I sent you.please!!!"  
  
Duo sighed, she couldn't break Quatre's heart. it was her wedding after all.  
  
"Alright Quatre, ill come.when should I be there?"  
  
" Oh YAY! Well, if you can make it to my mansion on L2 by tomorrow around noon that would be wonderful! I want to catch up with you before the wedding! Thank you so much duo! Love you! Bye!!"  
  
Quatre hung up the phone and duo sighed again, (that girl, she just doesn't know when to quit) Duo threw herself back onto the bed, and turned the music back on. This time, she began the CD with Metallica Fade to Black (the perfect song to kill myself by)  
  
Duo knew that she had promised Quatre that she would show up to the wedding, but she didn't want them all to see her like this. It would hurt them less if they didn't see her, then, they wouldn't be able to stop what she was about to do. All these thoughts running through her head, she lifted the blade again, and stuck it in her back pocket. (I still don't want to deal with the pain. Time to go find something fun) she then went to her bathroom, finding nothing, she got into her car, after placing the knife in a safe place and drove downtown in search of Cal. He would know exactly what to give her.  
  
Smiling as she saw his car, she parked beside it and walked around to the back of the club. Spotting him in the midst of smoke and beer, she walked to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"hey Cal, long time no see, whatcha been up to?" She gave a meek smile and he looked at her, then smiled sadly.  
  
"You don't look to good sweetie, what has been going on? I know what will make you feel better though. Come with me."  
  
Duo followed him, knowing that he would give her the best that he had.  
  
"that's actually part of why I came here to find you."  
  
He looked at her and raised his eyebrow, then brushed his long black hair out of his eyes, and smiled at her.  
  
"Part of the reason? What was the other part?"  
  
"What? Cant a girl come and see her good buddy for a change? I haven't seen you around in a while and I wanted to see what you've been up to."  
  
She smirked and then handed her a bag of white powder. She smiled at him and said..  
  
"I'm gonna need more than that, I'm going to L2 for a few weeks to visit with some friends for their wedding, and L2 is drug free. Gimme some smokes and a pipe, and some pills to. I'm gonna buy in bulk this time."  
  
He raised his eyebrow again and kissed her cheek. "Why don't you bring me with you love? You know we don't get to spend enough time together unless it's over a deal. I want to spend time with you.'  
  
She sighed; he would come even if she didn't say yes, so she gave in without a fight.  
  
"Alright, I'm gonna need all the support I can get anyway."  
  
He handed her the items and then hopped into his car and waived goodbye to the people he had been with, they waved back and then he drove off behind Duo.  
  
(that idiot, he doesn't know what he's getting into. I know what he really wants, but why does he want it from a fucked up girl like me? What does he possible see in this skeletal form that I inhabit)  
  
as duo thought these things over she led Cal to her home. (I hope he will be able to handle what he will find. "I don't want him to see it. I think Ill have him wait outside for me. That way I can get my bag and such, and he will never have to see what is inside.)  
  
Just then the pulled into her driveway, she left her car running and got out. Then turning to Cal as he opened his door she yelled out.  
  
"Stay out here, I wont be long!"  
  
He stepped back into his car, and smiled as she entered the house. She closed the door and stared at everything inside. Then went to her room and pulled out a small bag, throwing some jeans and a few t-shirts in along with a sweater she walked back out into the living room. Then pulling another case out, she threw her knife into it along with all of her medical supplies.  
  
She walked back out to the car and found Cal standing beside it waiting for her with a Joint in his mouth.  
  
"Why don't we take my car. That way we don't have to keep all my supplies in yours."  
  
She smiled at him and agreed to take his car. Then she threw her things into the trunk and closed it roughly. Climbing into the front seat she looked at him and he leaned over and brushed her cheek.  
  
"You look so beautiful sitting here in this car with me.I."  
  
he didn't finish his sentence, instead he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. Duo was in shock and didn't pull away, only stared at him as he removed his lips from hers.  
  
"Wh-what was that for? You shouldn't have.why?"  
  
he stared into her eyes and then kissed her again, then turning away swiftly he said.  
  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.I know you don't think of me that way..I shouldn't have even attempte---"  
  
She cut him off by pressing her lips to his and then pulling away she smiled at him and said.  
  
"Lets get going, we have to be there by noon."  
  
He looked at her quizzically and then started the car, pulling out of the driveway and heading toward the shuttle bay.  
  
A/N hehe, I know that chapter was kind of boring, but what can I say.its leading up to better stuff, keep reading and I promise that it will get better!! Um, the character Cal is of my own creation, I think, if he isn't I'm sorry; I had no idea I stole someone's character. Well, so much for that chapter, I want reviews please!! I don't get to many of those!! Thanks to Erika for reading over this chapter for me! Read her fic Called "wedding Preparations" she's really good at what she does!! 


	2. Blood Lust

Deep Within  
  
By: Nananashi-silence  
  
A/N most of what I would say you have already read so I will leave you all with this before the second chapter. I have felt the pain of love and hate, and I have grown cold because of it. Perhaps you will have better luck than I, who was born of the darkness.  
  
This is for Adam. Ashiteru, even if you can never feel the same.  
  
Legalities: I do not own gundam wing, nor do I wish to, I would not have done near as good a job as the actual creators. I do however own Cal, and any other innocent bystander that happens to get in the way of Duo or Cal or any of the other gundam pilots in a rage.  
  
Now, on to the fic.  
  
Chapter Two: Blood Lust  
  
They drove up the driveway to the large mansion before them. Duo was in awe (how can one small girl and her fiancée live in such a huge house? They honestly don't need all that room.) She smirked a little and stepped out of the car. Walking to the door bags in hand, she rang the doorbell and was immediately greeted by a smiling Quatre. Her smile turned dark however when she looked into Duos hollow face, she frowned and then took Duos bags and ushered her to a room on the third floor. Duo and Cal stepped into the room and looked at two single beds and a door that lead into a private bath. (Quatre really knows a lot about me considering she hasn't called or seen me in two years. Cal through his things down on the bed closest to the window and Duo took the one close to the bathroom. Quatre set her things down and said.  
  
"Why don't I help you two unpack.by the way Duo, who is your friend?"  
  
"No, that's alright Quat, Cal and I can handle it. See you in a few; I'm going to freshen up a bit before supper. Cal, why don't you go down and meet the guys, I'm sure you will find something in common with them."  
  
Cal frowned and then looking into her eyes complied by leaving Duo and Quatre alone in the room.  
  
"Duo, what has happened to you? You look nothing like what I remember, are you all right? What has been going on that could make all of this happen to you in such a short time?"  
  
Duo looked into Quatre's eyes and smiled at her. "It's nothing, just having a little trouble finding a job, I've been short on cash and haven't been eating well, but now that I'm here, I suppose ill get the chance to gain some weight. Wont I?"  
  
Quatre didn't look satisfied with her answer but nodded and accepted it graciously. "Yes, I suppose you will, hurry up now, dinner is almost ready!"  
  
Quatre hugged Duo and looked back over her shoulder to give a faint smile then left the room. As Duo shut the door behind her, she began to cry.  
  
(Why the hell did I come here!! All I'm doing is hurting Quatre, she already knows something is up just by looking at me!!) "Maybe I should just leave." (That would save Quat a lot of heartache and worry. A nice hot shower and a little bit of Cal's Medication should help me. I guess ill go do that then)  
  
Duo shed her clothing and untied her hair from its braid letting it fall along her back in beautiful flowing tresses. She lit some candles and turned on the bath. (Perfect ambiance to get high in. shit I should have called Cal in here first. Oh well, it isn't like he hasn't ever seen a woman wrapped in a towel before) she stood and dried herself off for the most part, then stepped into the hallway and called out.  
  
"CAL!! COME UP HERE!! FINISH UNLOADING YOUR CAR FIRST!!"  
  
he yelled up a mumbled ok and she heard the front door slam shut. She stepped back into the tub and pulled the plug, then threw on a robe. Just as she pulled the robe around her form cal burst into the room with a black bag the size of his upper body. He set it down and smiled at her.  
  
"Pick your poison."  
  
"Just hand me a joint, and ill be good. I need something quick."  
  
"Alright! Done."  
  
"Thanks Cal, don't know what I would do without you."  
  
"not a problem, by the way.what was your deal in the car.kissing me like that? It shocked me, I mean, I would expect that out of someone like me, but not you."  
  
"Oh Cal, I really don't want to get into it right now, I already have enough stress on me with this wedding.damn it."  
  
"Ah.OK I can take a hint, ill leave, Oh, by the way, who the hell is Heero?"  
  
"HEERO! Heero is here!! QUATRE! YOU WILL DIE!"  
  
:: meantime, down in the kitchen Quatre was making a smoothie for himself and Trowa.::  
  
"I guess she found out that Heero was here huh?"  
  
:: Back upstairs::  
  
"Damn her! She knows I don't ever want to see him again! That's it! I'm leaving tonight!"  
  
"Um, Duo, what about the wedding, you told her you would go to it.cant you leave tomorrow?"  
  
"Damn it, that's right, shit, yea, I guess, were leaving right after the ceremony is over though."  
  
He smiled at her and lit up the drug. Puffing on t he passed it to her and she smiled back.  
  
"Leave."  
  
"What! Why?"  
  
"Leave, I'm going to take a bath."  
  
"mmm, that sounds like fun, can I come with?"  
  
"hell no, you go downstairs. See you in a little bit"  
  
He walked out of the door and shut it softly, as soon as she felt like he was gone, she collapsed to the floor and began to cry softly.  
  
"Why the hell do you have to be here Heero! Why can't you just leave me alone! You already haunt my soul! GO AWAY!"  
  
Duo screamed out over the blaring of the music from a 21st century band called Smile Empty Soul. She clutched her head in her hands as she slid to the floor next to the tub, the weed long forgotten. She let out an agonizing sob and held her self, rocking back and forth. Remembering her bath she slowly stood, her body still raced with sobs and stepped into the bath, the Luke warm water enveloping her. She picked the drug back up and pressed it to her lips, drawing on it hard, then holding it, savoring the moments that the drug took effect on her system. Cringing as she felt the wound on her shoulder lip below the water and reopen, she relaxed her face again, and took another hit. She closed her eyes and exhaled, she put the reefer out in the tub and opened her eyes again, thoroughly stoned. She looked at the water and noticed that it was now stained crimson with her blood. She sighed and then smiled. (I've always wanted to bathe in a pool of blood. I guess now I'm getting my wish)  
  
She laughed the noise emerging from her throat a cross of insanity and anger. Her teeth shone as her pitch increased and she became louder until the room was filled with echoes of her maniac laughter. She caught herself just as she was becoming loud enough to penetrate three floors with her voice. She smiled wickedly baring teeth that were like fangs and opened her eyes wide to reveal dagger shaped pupils. Smiling all the while, she bit at her wrist, immediately causing blood to pour out into the already crimson bath. Lapping at the flesh she began another low chuckle, which she cut off as she heard a voice coming down the hallway.  
  
(SHIT! I can't let them see this!)  
  
Panicking she wrapped a towel around her body concealing her wrist and pulled the shower curtain around the bath so that its contents were a complete secret. Just as she finished this the door opened and Quatre stepped in.  
  
"Duo, you said you would be quick, dinners almost ready!"  
  
Duo stared at her for a moment, then smiled, annoyed, she said, in a harsher tone than what she meant, "Get out now, I'm in the middle of a bath, its called respect."  
  
Quatre frowned and turned quickly to leave the room. As she left, Duo pulled the towel away from her arm, it was stained red with blood and duo lapped at the stream flowing down her arm, she stepped back into the bath and let the tub turn deep crimson from her blood. She pulled her arm up out of the water and grimaced, it still hadn't stopped bleeding, she would have to do something about it soon.  
  
"Damn it, I have to keep from dripping blood on the floor, it has to be white!!"  
  
Duo wrapped the towel around her arm again and walked into the room she and cal were to share. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she opened her bag and pulled out gauze and a needle and thread. Removing the towel she stitched the bite marks up quickly, unaware of the pain. When she was done, she wiped the extra blood away from the wound and put antiseptic on it, then wrapped it in gauze. Realizing that she couldn't go downstairs with that showing she pulled on a baggy long sleeved nightshirt, black, of course, and a pair of long black jeans, which served to wash what was left of color, from her face. After she had hidden the towel from sight and put her medical kit beneath the bed, she walked down the stairs and after a bit of searching, she found the kitchen, where everyone, including Heero and Cal was seated eating their dinner.  
  
" Hi Duo, glad you finally joined us." It was Wufei, he looked at her displeased that she was so late to arrive at the table, then continued eating. Seeing an empty seat she took it and looked across the table to Quatre, who smiled and then reached for a pile of biscuits that sat in the center of the table.  
  
"Duo, won't you have something to eat? I remember our conversation earlier, and I know you must be hungry." Without waiting for a reply Quatre handed Duo a plate full of chicken and assorted other items. She looked at the plate in front of her disgusted and stood.  
  
"If I may be excused, I'm not to hungry tonight. See you all later!" She stepped out of the room quickly in search of a bathroom.  
  
"Duo, not hungry? Well, I never thought that would happen." Heero stated and looked to Quatre who's face was wrinkled with worry. She looked to Heero and said  
  
"I'm worried about her.something's not right"  
  
Duo stood over a toilet somewhere in the house and began to vomit. 


	3. Call From the Dark

Deep Within  
  
By: Nananashi-silence  
  
A/N this fic is dedicated to Adam, even if he never reads it. Ashiteru Adam Kun. Please excuse any typos, I'm not feeling well, but, the show must go on. Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the last 2!  
  
Chapter Three: call from the dark  
  
I can't move, can't think, all I see is darkness, I can't move! Who is controlling my body, what will it take to regain control of my mind!  
  
Even in the darkness your voice haunts me, its you, your fault, all your fault that I am the way I am. Die. Then I can release myself from your grip. What is this? Your blood on my hands? I'm not dreaming? Good, now I can pry your cold dead fingers from my heart. You are truly gone, now I can live without pain.  
  
What? Why do I still hurt? Your death was meant to free me, why am I still locked inside my pain? You haunt me even in death, so now I must die.  
  
Duo awoke and wiped her face finding it soaked with sweat and tears, had she been crying in her sleep? Turning her head to face the digital alarm clock that was flashing 3:21 A.M. in bold red numbers. She stood and walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She looked into the Mirror and sighed.  
  
(Well, I'm awake now, might as well go downstairs)  
  
She left the bathroom to head downstairs, but not before she grabbed a couple of pills from Cal's stash. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself glass of wine and swallowed all three pills. Then topping off her wine, she headed to the living room where she found a big screen TV and a semi circle couch along with two lazy boy chairs and a computer in the far corner. Glancing at the computer again, she noticed Quatre sitting in front of the screen waiting for something to download.  
  
"Hey Quat, couldn't sleep either?"  
  
Quatre Jumped and turned around quickly in her seat to face Duo.  
  
" Oh god duo! Its only you, you scared me!"  
  
Duo smiled and sat on the arm of one of the chairs that had been pushed against the wall.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."  
  
"What are you doing up anyway duo? I would think jet lag would have you passed out."  
  
"Oh, me, I just couldn't sleep, it surprised me to."  
  
(Oh shit, their kicking in)  
  
Duo closed her eyes as the room began to spin. She held her head in her hands as she attempted to steady the world.  
  
"Duo? Are you alright?"  
  
Duo opened her eyes and stared at Quatre in shock as the computer swallowed her whole, and then slowly began to consume the room. As it enveloped her, she was lost in a world of lights and wires, flying down a neon tube of swirling beauty, she couldn't help but stare, Quatre was at the end of the tunnel.saying something.  
  
"Duo?"  
  
Her voice was faint, almost inaudible against the roar of color. Duo closed her eyes again, blocking out the colors. When she opened them again, Quatre was standing in front of her with her ands on duos shoulders. The room was Welling in and out as Duo climbed to her feet and attempted to walk to the kitchen, but she fell back down onto the chair and Quatre's face turned more worried. Duo reached up and wiped a strand of platinum blonde hair from her eyes and smiled.  
  
"Don't worry, about me, I'm fine."  
  
She smiled again and succeeded in standing and walking to the kitchen to pour two tall glasses of Bacarti. After making her way back out into the living room she saw Quatre pointing to her and saw Cal and Wufei come down the stairs, and Trowa embrace Quatre's frail form lovingly. As Duo walked closer to them, Cal stepped forward and grabbed her arms to steady her, then looking back to the rest of them he laughed and nodded.  
  
"She's just drunk, you can all go back to bed"  
  
Duo scowled at Cal and pulled rather clumsily out of his grasp, spilling alcohol all over the place.  
  
"I am not drunk, I'm"  
  
Cal clasped his hand over her ass and pressed his mouth to hers in an attempt to shut her up. She struggled for a moment before falling into his kiss. She let her hand trail along his arm, and then fall so that it caressed his hips. She did these things as if she were in a dream, unsure if it was real or fake. She pulled away from him and walked over to the stereo system and put in Quatre's Metallica CD, and after turning the volume to half mast, she began the CD. Yelling over the sound she called out.  
  
"LETS PARTY!!"  
  
Quatre looked at Trowa who shrugged and pulled her onto the sofa in a passionate kiss, and wufei screamed out something about injustice to the early morning and then began to dance. Cal smiled at her and whispered into her ear  
  
"Your more fun high than I ever imagined. "  
  
She smiled at him and kissed his lips softly and then went back into the kitchen to mix drinks for everyone. AS she stepped back out into the living room she stopped dead in her tracks as Heero walked into the room, gun poised to shoot. 


End file.
